#but many still end up clinging to eachother for better or worse because what else is there to do

[arolesbianism]

Here's the thing abt my lob corp ocs that makes them so fun to me. Most of them do not remember the loops, at least not directly, but they are aware of them, and do to a degree feel the time. I get to imagine the poor bastards who are stuck with the likes of Yuri and Juliet for ten thousand years and better yet the rest of their coworkers are also stuck with them <3

[mallowbees]

Howdy hey,  and welcome to my first ever Sanders Sides fic!

I would like to preface this with the fact that i rarely write and this was mostly just for fun, so apologies if anything seems oddly spaced or typed?

My friend @themelodyartz gave me a prompt in our chat and this was the result! Hope you enjoy!

Characters: Roman, Deceit. Mentions of Patton and Virgil.

Pairing: Non-specified, but could be read as pre-ship

Word count: 1,644

Prompt: “How aboutt, Roman is having a hard time in summer with the heat, Snake boi is having a blast since he's usually cold, Antics ensue”

______________________________________________________________

Plain and simple, it was sweltering. Roman laid out across his desk, his face pressed against it seeking some sort of cooling that the fan in his room just wasn’t providing while he lamented this fact. The Mindscape, despite being a fabricated area inside of Thomas’s mind, always seemed to mirror the weather out in the real world. He groaned, flinging himself from his chair to his bed in a pitiful manner, but the movement only gave him a fleeting brush of air. While this did of course happen on occasion since they lived in Florida, he did not find any joy in feeling like a half boiled baked potato. Wiping his hand across his forehead he grimaced at the sweat that covered it and wiped it off on his shirt. He could not keep up appearances like this. He was stuck in plain white t-shirt that felt like it was sticking to him, sweat running down the back of his neck, and his hair damp and clinging to his face for gods sake. Not to mention he couldn’t even begin to focus on writing a basic script down, let alone something grand enough to show the others. Truly, he had been trying and the floor being littered in much more crumpled up papers that was comparable to that of his worst creative block days attested that. Hauling himself up, he crossed his arms and shuffled out of his room into the hall. He would usually just rise up but the stifling heat left him lethargic and unfortunately a dramatic entrance felt like way more effort than just walking. Rounding the corner, he was only given a moment before he rammed face first straight into someone, stumbling back and falling to the ground.

 “Such a proper way to greet someone, Roman. Definitely couldn’t have looked around the corner first.” Raising his head, he met eyes with a surprisingly amused looking Deceit who was leaning up against the wall, most likely having been knocked against it.

 “Oh cut it dark, tall, and slimy. I didn’t mean to run into you, its hot and I’m miserable so don’t even with me right now.” He huffed as he stood up and brushed himself off. “I mean really how am I supposed to be expected to be my princely best when its like,” He threw his hands around in a wide flailing gesture. “this in here!”

 Deceit raised his eyebrows “Well someones definitely not irritable. I thought it was quite horrible in here personally.” He carelessly looked at his glove as though checking his nails. “Also, you totally don’t look like a drowned rat, did you dip your head in the sink?”

 Roman growled and tried to push passed him. “No I did not. I have better things to do than be antagonized.”

 “Me? Antagonizing you?” He placed his hand over his heart with an faux deeply offended expression. “I would absolutely never. Do make me laugh, Roman.”

 He rolled his eyes stepping past him. “ Whatever, I know better than that now. So if you're done I have somewhere to be, ideally somewhere cooler.”

 He frowned, almost looking upset.

 “You know, my room is quite cold.”

 “What?”

 “What.”

 Roman stared back at him baffled. That statement didn’t hold the usually sarcastic tone that many of the snake’s sentences seemed to have. Deceit looked as though he had caught himself off guard momentarily as well. Although he seemed to gather his usual demeanor back once more rather quickly.

 “I… totally meant to say that.” He began uncertain but continued with his usual indifferent drawl, not bothering to keep eye contact with him while he spoke.“Anyway. My room isn't arguably naturally any colder than the rest of the house, I personally don’t enjoy the current heat so I will be in there all day and I suppose that's not an offer. Just definitely stay in there for long.” There was a brief pause as they stared at eachother, one confused and the other unreadable, before Deceit vanished away.

 Now standing alone in the corridor, Roman wasn’t sure what to make of that.

 It was about two hours later and Roman was now in his room after having been in the commons with the others. It had cooled down some but it still felt like he was burning up from the inside out and wasn’t supposed to get any cooler. As uncertain as he was, laying on his floor, he wondered how he could get to Deceit’s room. He had never been to the other side’s room before, so its not like he could just waltz over to where ever it was. He should be able just rise in like usual he would think, but there was the possibility he might not be able to. Tilting his head his hand rested on his chin. When he considered it, it probably was just the same. I mean they got into Virgil’s, and there wasn’t really any reason to think otherwise. Besides if it didn’t work it wasn’t like it was the end of the world. He rolled over, pushing himself up off the ground and fixing both his hair and outfit as best he could. For better or worse, it was hot, he was miserable, and he was given a very tempting and clear offer that he wanted to take. Or, as clear as an offer could come from Deceit, he supposed. Shaking that thought off, he took a moment to gather himself, for what he wasn’t entirely sure, and focused.

 As he rose up and opened his eyes, he found himself to be in a surprisingly nice room. It was rather open, dark grey walls faced him on all sides except for the back wall,which was painted a pale yellow. A large bed that was probably queen sized against the center of the wall, a fancy dresser that looked like it belonged in an antique shop on the side, various shelves, and a desk. There were other things of course, and various knick-knacks around the room, but it wasn’t messy, it appeared organized in a way. There also appeared to be a large terrarium on a desk with some sort of creature most likely hiding in it, which he tensed at not knowing what exactly was in it. But diverting his attention he was going to ignore that for now because by Zeus it was extremely cooler in here than his room. He could have just laid face first on the floor in relief. However that was very un-princely of him and he was definitely not doing that. He stretched his arms out and stood still for a moment basking in the chill air, before looking for a place to sit down. There was only one chair in the room but it was in front of the desk, and therefore also in front the terrarium which was a clear no go. Browsing the room, he wasn’t going to sit on the bed, that just seemed odd when being in someones room for the first time. He shrugged to himself and took a seat on the floor.

 After making himself comfortable he happened to glance up, and was struck with awe. He realized that somehow he had completely missed and disregarded the ceiling, which was painted quite honestly, like a beautiful celestial masterpiece. He gasped. Stars that almost seemed to twinkle and outlines of constellations spanned the entirety of the space. He leaned further back until he was flush against the bed frame and tilted his head back to get a full view. He recognized a select few of the constellations, Aquila, Ophiuchus, Scorpius, it was a sight to behold really. It almost rivaled the spanning sky in his own imagination, although this appeared much more true to constellations in the real world. He wondered how deceit had done it, if he’d done it himself. Eyebrows furrowed in perplexion as it struck him how odd this situation was. Why had Deceit offered up his room so easily? The only other sides room he had ever been invited into was Patton’s, and Patton always invited everyone in. Had any of the others been in Deceits room before, and if not, then why him? This entire situation was unusual really, was it some kind of show of trust, was Deceit just in a good mood, or was it some kind of trap? He hummed and regarded the room itself, it didn’t seem like much of a trap, and he didn’t really want to believe he would do that. Maybe he was just over thinking this. Rubbing his eyes he forced himself to relax and think about something else. After awhile of getting wrapped up in his own thoughts that guided him through various scenarios, his relaxation had become true, and lead by fairy tale worthy ideas and fantastical worlds in his mind, his eyes eventually drifted closed as he fell asleep.

 A time later, however, he would wake up confused back in his own room, with a sticky-note stuck to his vanity. Walking over and plucking it off of the mirror, all he could do was let out an embarrassed strangled noise as he read it.

 ‘I totally didn’t princess carry you back to your room, and please, do fall asleep in my room again. -D’

[that1badassbitch]

I just watched Mark's playthrough of Hearts and Hero's and I think If I wasn't so emotionally constipated I'd be crying so I just need to get words out.

I'm so glad he played a game like this one. Because it's so important that he knows what he means to us. He's done so much good for so many people and he is so invested in what he does. He's never failed to see us as people and he's always been so ridiculously encouraging it almost makes me sick. But I feel like he still doesn't really understand what that /means/ to us. Or at least to me. He tries so hard to put out content that's funny and fun and shows appreciation for things we do, and he always says it's more than he deserves but that's why we care so much- because he's not entitled, hes not an asshole (except for the jokes, which he only does with people who know he's joking) who thinks we owe him something. He doesn't think we owe him anything, and that's why we want to give it to him. And it scares me sometimes, because I know he's just a guy and the knowledge that so many people look up to him and admire him and rely on him in dark times would crush me. He doesn't want us to see him struggle, but if he can't lessen his own burden and if he tries to take on everyone else's problems too... It scares me to think of how badly it could end. I know how badly it can end. I hope he knows we're here for him just strong as he is for us. I hope he takes care of himself. I hope his fire keeps burning bright. I hope he never forgets that it's not always what you have accomplished that matters- it's that you have to keep trying. Win or lose you have to keep going, even and especially when you really don't want to. You can't give up on yourself and your dreams and you can't stop trying to help people because of one or two or three times it doesn't go as planned. Even if it doesn't go well a million times, it could be the very next try that makes it all worth it. Don't give up on yourself, and don't give up on eachother.

The game itself was so great. I'm incredibly proud of everyone who contributed to it and I hope they all get to do what they love. And I'm not sure if it was intentional, but every character seemed to me like they had a specific fear association, and all of them resonated with me.

Now I'm usually really really good at faking it. But I'm actually really scared. Of a lot of things. Some make sense, and some dont, some I've traced back to events and some seem to come from nowhere, but I'm scared of a lot of things. The ocean. Horses. Darkness. Confrontation. Public speaking. But each of the hero's from the game had a fear association too- Uselessness. Isolation. Cowardice. Hurting people. Abandonment. And failure. I'm gonna call them by their prepicked names and not Mark's keysmash for ease of reference. Because their fears and how they respond to things both resonate with me.

Purple's insecurity, the negativity the terrorlings used against her, was that she was useless. She wasn't good at anything, she couldn't help anyone, she couldn't do anything right. And that hits me because I'm always afraid I'm not actually good at something and that others are pretending I am so they don't upset me. I love singing and my family has always told me I'm good at it (except my brother but that's what big brothers do) but what says I actually am? I'm a good mimic, I can match a song on the radio if I hear it enough but I can't read sheet music, I've made exactly one original piece, vocals only no accompaniment or acapella tones, and it was exactly as good as you'd expect from a nine year old. I love writing and some people tell me it's good but they're all my friends, would they actually tell me if it was bad? And her response is that she apologizes for everything she thinks she might have done wrong.

Jade was terrified of being isolated and alone. What better game than presentable liberty to get stuck in. They wrote out how alone they felt and how sick of it they were, how they didnt want to be here anymore. But when confronted about it they brushed it off as their own dramatics and skirted around it and played it down like it was no big deal. But it is. It's always a big deal because we arent build to be alone, genetically we're meant to be social, and it's terrifying to think that you're so alone and there's no one there who actually cares, no one actually is or wants to be your friend, they just don't want to be an asshole and tell you to get lost, but it doesn't matter because you isolate yourself, you can't leave me if I push you away first, you can't make me lonely if I make myself lonely, and it hurts so fucking much to be alone.

Peach's negativity was her cowardice. She couldn't stand up for herself, and she just let people treat her poorly because what could she say, what could she do that wouldn't make it worse? And what if they're right? For my friends I would cut a bitch. I almost got suspended for fighting over a friend. My heart was trying to explode my ribcage and I shook for ten minutes after but I did it. But when it comes to me? What's the point? I'm good at pretending I don't care and I'm good at looking unaffected by what people say but I used to be bad at hiding it, and it still hurts. I can't prove they're wrong. And I don't always want to, because maybe I deserve it. If I can't defend myself maybe they should say what they want.

Teal's negativity made her isolate herself. Because she hurt people. Everyone who tried to help her got hurt. Everyone who wanted to care or wanted to help or wanted to do anything, they got hurt. That was all she could do. Like an SCP, she was a danger to people around her and she couldn't be trusted. She didn't deserve to be rescued. I've been there. I kind of still am there. When you hurt people when you try to help, when /they/ try to help, and you don't get any better and you feel useless, like a burden, like you can only make bad things, only do bad things, only hurt people whoncare about you... eventually you want them to stop. If only so you can't hurt them anymore. Don't drown yourself trying to pull me out of the water, don't cut yourself trying to pry me out of thorns. Don't get killed trying to save me when I'm the problem that needs to be solved. It's a dark place to be. And I'm kinda glad they didnt save her. Because when you get that way, only two things will get you on track- butting heads with someone who no matter how hard you push won't let you isolate yourself (best if this is a professional, not a friend, someone who knows how to help and you have to go because you paid for the session or because someone else took you there) or hitting rock bottom harder than ever and finally accepting to yourself that you need help.

Red... Red was afraid of being abandoned. So am I. I'm so reliant on others to be even a half functional human being that being abandoned is terrifying. It could kill me. I try to not get attached so I don't have anyone to lose. It's easy, you don't care about them so when they stop talking to you it doesn't hurt. They don't ask you to hang out, they don't ask how you are, and you go your separate ways. But the backfire is that when you do get attached (it happens, when you least expect, when you let your guard down just for a second) it clings a lot harder and it hurts so much more than you expect it to. I've been pretty lucky I guess- not many people got close to me, and less of them got close and then left me. I was good being caustic and looking like the person you don't want to be friends with, so most people didn't bother. No one tried if they didnt /really really/ want to. But there's a handful that I thought would be around a long time that I haven't spoken to in years, a few who cut ties and haven't tried to talk to me and I haven't tried very hard to talk to them. (Once I had to stay after school and my dad and brother forgot about me. I was there until almost five and had to call my gramps to come get me. I cried, even though I tried so hard not to. I've always been so scared people would forget me.) And on top of that, when Red got stressed and upset, he lashed out. Specifically, he blamed others and he picked at things he knew would upset them, even if he didn't mean what he said, just so someone else would hurt. It's something I try not to think about, but I do it. I bottle up until my frustration gets so high that I pop, and the person I lash out at is usually someone who didn't deserve any of it. I always regret it. Usually as soon as I've done it. But it happens and then I can't take it back. And I always, always target something I know will get a reaction. I know my friends, I know their insecurities, and when I het upset and lash out I throw them in their faces. I curse and swear and rage, and when it clears I feel even worse than before because I know exactly what I've done and there's no excuse, no explanation that absolves me of it. I tell a friend concerned about their weight that they're fat and ugly and only hang out with me because I don't bring it up. I tell a friend who's always worried they're a bother that they're an annoying pest and they should fuck off when they're not wanted. I tell a teacher who can only bend rules so far for a student who's struggling that they're a bitch and I'm sick of them pretending to care because they don't know anything about me and I dont need faked pity, that there's nothing they could teach me and if I had any sense I'd just leave. I hurt people when I'm angry. And I can't take it back when I do.

And Blue- we saw her last, and it was a close tie in with Mark's fear as well- Failure. Blue was afraid that she wouldn't be able to help. That she wasn't good enough. Because sometimes you get it in your head that you have to be good- no, you have to be perfect. You can't fail. You can't afford to. You have to be the best, you can't leave anything to chance, you have to do it yourself, you have to fix it, you have to make things better and save everyone and protect them because if you don't then you don't know if anyone will. Because if you do anything it has to be the best or it wasn't worth doing. You can't make something mediocre, you can't draw just an okay picture or write a C grade essay or try to beat a mission but only accomplish half the goals. You have to do it all. Perfection or Death because how can you live with it if it isn't pefect? How can you go on knowing that you could have done better and you didn't? Knowing that someone else- hundreds of someone elses- were better than you? Why did you do it in the first place if no one is going to remember it or acknowledge it? (Sometimes you can convince yourself it's enough- no one saw you move that worm off the sidewalk but you helped, you didn't score better than everyone else but you were still top 5 and that will do for now- but sometimes it just sits there, nagging. It could be better. You could have gotten it if you tried harder. It doesn't make a difference and you wasted everyone's time.)

But the theme of the whole game was that sometimes, you don't do what you planned, and sometimes it isn't enough. Sometimes you lose, and sometimes you mess up, and sometimes you make mistakes. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. And it doesn't mean you can't do better, and it doesn't mean you can't change to be better- a better person, a better artist, a better worker, a better friend. Accept your mistakes and learn from them, and no matter how many times things go wrong, keep trying until they go right, because it's only the end when you give up. It's only over if you let it be. You can't save everyone, and you can't be the best at everything, and you're not perfect, you never will be. It doesn't mean you're bad. It just means you're human. And so is everyone else.

@hearts-and-heroes thank you for making such a great game

@markiplier thank you for being such a genuinely good person

[skyyzi]

If you have yet to read or listen to Do you regret it I recommend you doing so! You can read it HERE or listen to it HERE

A/N; sooo it’s been two years since I wrote Do you regret it and I never planned on doing this but here I am two years later with an second part to Do you regret it I’ve been working on it for this past month and I’m finally happy with how it came out so please enjoy!!

Jungkook POV

Two years, it’s been two years since that party. It’s been two years since Jimin told me you had broken up that day. You never told me, I had to hear it from him. Jimin told me that he told you that it felt like the two of you had drifted apart, but the truth was something else.

‘’She never loved me Jungkook. I know that, you know that everyone knows that.’’ ‘’What are you talking about? Of course she loved you?’’ ‘’She could never love me because her heart already belonged to someone else.’’

‘’What do you mean?’’ ‘’It belonged to you, Jungkook. She loved you...and you loved her.’’

I cried that night. Because I knew he was right. I cried because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I cried because I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed I was in myself. For letting you get away, for still being with your friend, for being selfish. I saw how hard you tried to stay friends with us after that. I can’t even begin to imagine how you felt every time you saw her clinging to my arm. I pushed her away every time but you never noticed. Sometimes I so badly wished for it to be you and not your friend. I felt horrible thinking that. Then suddenly you disappeared. I came to your apartment so many times, I wanted to knock on the door so badly but I stopped myself every time. One time I saw you throw out so many things. I couldn’t help but to look. The blanket Jin wrapped us in after we had played in the rain. The shirt you wore when we locked ourselves in the closet to hide from Yoongi. The hoodie I gave you to let you hide your puffy crying face from your friends after I brought you down from the tree. All things that would remind you of me... I spent more nights than I can count crying, screaming, punching walls. Wondering what if…

What if that night when your friend confessed to me I had said no? What if while we were cramped in the closet I leaned forward and kissed you? What if I actually acted on my feelings? Would things be different now? 

I broke up with your friend not long after Jimin told me I didn’t want to hurt her even more. I never moved on from you, even though it has been two years. I’ve only gotten worse. I stopped seeing my friends, I locked myself in my room. I never stopped thinking about you, you consumed all my thoughts. All my dreams.

I thought saw you in the supermarket the other day. For the first time in two years my heart started beating again. I was picking out stupid ramen when I thought I saw your familiar frame. I saw you in the corner of my eye, you looked frozen almost paralyzed. I didn’t dare to move quickly, I was afraid you’d disappear again. But when I turned to look at you you were gone. My heart ached panic rushing through my veins at the thought of losing you again.

I called your name, but you didn’t answer.

‘’No please no please no nonononono’’ I looked for you I called your name over and over again but you didn’t answer.

All I could ask myself was what if?

Reader POV

Two years, it’s been two years since that party. It’s been two years since I left with Jimin that day. I never told you but I think Jimin did, you are friends after all. He told me it felt like we had drifted apart, and that the love we had for eachother was dying. I cried that night, not because of what he said, I agreed with every word. But I cried because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Your dark hair, your deep eyes your bunnylike smile, I cried because I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed I was in myself. For letting you get away, for using Jimin, for being selfish. We tried staying friends after that but I just couldn’t, every time I saw her clinging to your arm it hurt. I so badly wished for it to be me and not my friend. I felt horrible thinking that. I locked myself in my apartment, I didn’t want to face the world. I didn’t want to face you. I threw out so many things, everything that reminded me of you. The blanket Jin wrapped us in after we had played in the rain. The shirt I wore when we locked ourselves in the closet to hide from Yoongi. The hoodie you gave me to let me hide my puffy crying face from my friends after you brought me down from the tree.

I spent more nights than I can count crying, screaming, punching walls. Wondering what if… What if that night when she asked me if I like you, I had said yes? What if while we were cramped in the closet I leaned forward and kissed you? What if I actually acted on my feelings? Would things be different now?

I thought I was over you it has been two years after all, I was getting better. I made new friends, I left my apartment sometimes. I never stopped thinking about you though, you just didn’t consume all my thoughts, or so I thought.

I saw you in the supermarket the other day, my heart stopped beating for minutes, it has been two years and yet you only managed to get even more handsome. I couldn’t do anything. I was frozen, paralyzed. All I could do was stare, stare at the way your hair fell over your eyes. Stare at your hands as you thoughtfully picked out what ramen you wanted to buy. Stare at you as you looked around. I hid. Just like the fucking coward I am I hid, because I couldn’t bare the thought of saying hi. My chest ached just looking at you panic rushing through my veins all the what ifs I thought I had let go of rushing back like I was watching my life go by in seconds.

You said my name. I stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating and I prayed. ‘’No please no please no nonononono’’

I saw you pass the aisle I was hiding in. Your brows were furrowed deeply as you called my name again and all I could ask myself was what if?

But I didn’t have to did I. You found me on the floor sobbing. I looked like a fool hiding in a supermarket crying like this. But you didn’t care, you never did. You knelt down infront of me and I could see the pain written all over your face. I flinched when you wrapped your hoodie around me, pulling the hood down over my face. Just like you had that day you helped me down from that tree. You gently picked me up from the floor, I wanted to push you away but you didn’t let me. I wanted to hide but you didn’t let me. You just held me close and walked me out of there saving me once again.

‘’It’s okay...we’re going to Be okay’’

THE END